This could be the dullest post ever written but for the few people out there who are fascinated with the minutiae of suburban living it might hold a modicum of interest.

I started thinking about my daily life and became conscious of the repititious nature of it. Not that I am bored by any means, just that systematic and repetitive routines play an important part in my day to day living. Its not just about doing certain things, but doing them in the same order which gives me some control and organisation. So, detailed below is an introduction to a day in the life of a resident of No 35.

Morning – Pre work – this routine never seems to change and the order of activities remains constant:

7am get up

Go down to kitchen, switch on Radio 4, put kettle on and turn the TV on in the front room to GMTV.

Do some clearing up, load dishwasher and put washing on

Stare out of kitchen window

Remember I should have filled the kettle with water

Make sandwiches and pack them up ready for work and decide not to buy chocolate at work

Weigh myself

Groan

Shower, wash hair and blow dry in front of GMTV with a cup of tea

Eat cereal such as Maple Crisp in front of TV and wish had gone for healthier option but finish bowl anyway because it’s a crime to throw away food

Stare out of front room window watching someone tampering with a car – or maybe just going to work

Panic at lateness of hour

Clean teeth and grout up with make-up

Take Ian tea and cereal in bed

Check out cat – is it still alive? Does it require feeding?

Get dressed and leave for work

Return home as have forgotten sandwiches/phone/purse/pass

See cat has turned up and still shows vital signs so feed it

Exit building

Curse at the time

Evening – after work

Leave work circa 6/6.30

Buy food for dinner from Sainsburys avoiding scary Shirley sorts hanging around own brand vodka

Arrive home, switch on TV, and turn on radio 4 in kitchen – I hate silent rooms when I’m on my own

Put keys back in handbag and throw away chocolate wrapper from work

Hide latest arrival from Amazon

Unpack food in kitchen and put CD on: Elvis or Duffy or some ‘Ethnic tripe’ or maybe a talking book

Prepare food – my own recipes – often an acquired taste…

While food cooks watch Coach Trip

Plan caustic remark in event Ian is late ie arrives after 7.30pm which is courtesy threshold

Ian arrives at 7.35pm

Secretly pleased that Ian is late as can deliver aforementioned pre-prepared caustic remark

Eat together in the Dining Room with candles – many of which I am informed are ‘ a bloody fire hazard.’

Ian doesn’t wash up

Ian watches BBC News while I check out emails and Facebook etc

Ian either watches a film, does some programming or plays his guitar

I read and wish Ian had washed up

Tell Ian to make sure all ‘bloody fire hazard’ candles are blown out before he comes to bed

Clean teeth, remove ‘No More Nails’ grout from chops, check eye brows, put vaseline on lips and retire to bed

Unwrap latest arrival from Amazon and hide in middle of book stack by bed

Listen to Ian playing guitar and wish he practised more often…

ZZZzzzzzzsleepzzzzzZZZZZZ

But Ian, we have come to see the wonderful Lee ‘Memphis’ King in concert and you’re already concerned about being asked to dance? Yes – Friday night saw us at the Kings Theatre in Portsmouth to see the greatest Elvis impersonator ever, perform two and a half hours of Elvis greats. Sitting there, with mascara and eyeliner running down my cheeks as Le King belted out The Wonder of You, I knew that I was in heaven. Even if Mr. Grumpy Chops refused to dance. LMK truely is as close to The King as you will get. His voice is incomparable – I really couldn’t tell the difference between my CDs and Mr King.

‘I want to get up and dance in the aisle like those other girls.’

‘No you’re not’

Pause.

‘Will you dance with me ?’

‘No’ ( face like slow setting concrete from Mr P )

Pause.

‘Right – I’m getting up’ The aisle is filling up with equally crazed women gyrating to ‘In the Ghetto’.

‘No you’re not.’

Pause

‘OK move – I’m dancing’

As I clamber over an anorak-clad Mr P and scramble into the aisle to dance with the oestrogen-fuelled crowd, I couldn’t give a rat’s backside for Mr P’s pride. This girl is dancing. Full stop.

And why not? It’s been an amazing evening. We’ve heard the very best of Elvis, in particular the Vegas years, which are our ( sorry my ) favourite. The voice is staggering – it really is as close as you will get to seeing the man himself; the actions and thrusting hips authentic; and the rhinestone suit is something else. His rendition of Memories, The Wonder of You, If I can Dream and I can’t Help Falling In Love With You are enough to bring a tear to even the toughest of South Wales’ eyes. Come on Mr P – you loved it really! Next stop Grace Lands for the ultimate pilgrimage. Long Live Elvis Presley – The King of Rock and Roll.

I do believe Spring is almost upon us – yes the signs are all there that the season of new growth, new birth and light-weight pastel macs is upon us. In fact there has been a veritable rash of the latter around the stores this Spring. But, dear reader, why procure your bang-up-to-the moment pastel mac complete with hefty price tag from the Hight Street when you could be exploring the retail nooks and crannies of e-bay. Yes! I have discovered an Aladdin’s Cave of top-notch clobber at bargain prices. Just select the ‘New With Tag’ button and cruise Joseph, Jigsaw, Whistles and Hobbs courtesy of e-bay. At the click of your mouse a whole new world of bidding against other equally obsessive women opens up and livens up many a chilly Spring evening. Let your husband watch a pointless football match or ‘How Do They Do That?’ programme while you enjoy a glass of white, packet of M&S Extremely Chocolatey Rounds biscuits and the chance to out-bid other women on Boden essentials. I have won a number of little beauties, all of which will arrive this week in different packages from ‘Dizzybird‘, ‘Princess’ and ‘Kitten.’ It’s a whole new shopping experience. So ladies, get e-baying and join the fun. It’s better than foxy Bingo at any rate.