I do believe Spring is almost upon us – yes the signs are all there that the season of new growth, new birth and light-weight pastel macs is upon us. In fact there has been a veritable rash of the latter around the stores this Spring. But, dear reader, why procure your bang-up-to-the moment pastel mac complete with hefty price tag from the Hight Street when you could be exploring the retail nooks and crannies of e-bay. Yes! I have discovered an Aladdin’s Cave of top-notch clobber at bargain prices. Just select the ‘New With Tag’ button and cruise Joseph, Jigsaw, Whistles and Hobbs courtesy of e-bay. At the click of your mouse a whole new world of bidding against other equally obsessive women opens up and livens up many a chilly Spring evening. Let your husband watch a pointless football match or ‘How Do They Do That?’ programme while you enjoy a glass of white, packet of M&S Extremely Chocolatey Rounds biscuits and the chance to out-bid other women on Boden essentials. I have won a number of little beauties, all of which will arrive this week in different packages from ‘Dizzybird‘, ‘Princess’ and ‘Kitten.’ It’s a whole new shopping experience. So ladies, get e-baying and join the fun. It’s better than foxy Bingo at any rate.
New Year – new start
Well, I have been back at work at Company X for three weeks now and I have to say it’s amazing how quickly you settle back into the work routine. Sometimes it feels like I have never been away and others it feels like an entirely new experience. Either way I feel energised and excited at the year that lies ahead.
As for most of the UK, the snow came to Shirley but Southampton seemed to have missed the brunt of it which caused me much disappointment. I know that is a childish approach to the ‘evil white stuff’ but I have to say I love it. Everywhere looks so different – even downtown Shirley took on an alpine feel with snow gently coating the roof of Pound Land, ice crystals shimmering on the shattered glass of the bus stop and the fag smoke from the chavs hanging around outside the One Stop floating up through the chill late afternoon air. It could almost have been Aspen.
So what has the new year brought?
I have to confess that Iv’e not done any writing – in fact I’m enjoying a month off. Editing on the first draft of the book will probably start in February as I’m keen to be able to present my first three finished chapters to agents at this year’s Winchester Writers’ Conference. That way I can always answer the question ‘ Have you finished the book yet? with a confident ‘yes.’
Baby Hughes continues to progress nicely. I’ve just seen the latest pictures and he is certainly a beaut! Mrs Q is hosting a family soiree on Sunday so we look forward to seeing said babe then. He is certainly a healthy baby and is putting on weight continuously.
Ian has also taken up a new hobby which I shan’t reveal here apart from saying that he keeps pricking his finger on that embroidery needle.
Ive not embarked on any new interests but as always continue to be gripped by my dear friends, My Books. In fact I have just finished Sarah Waters’ ‘The Little Stranger.’ This was one of the short-listed Booker Prize entries from 2009 and tells the tale of a Doctor called out to an old, rather decrepid Georgian mansion to examine one of the servant girls who is sick. The story proceeds to open the house up to the reader as we learn of spooky goings on, a touch of romance and an interesting comment on life just after the War when rationing reigned and the country was gripped by austerity. Personally I needed more spookiness asnd less description as the book slowed in the middle to a rather pedestrian pace. However, I couldn’t fault the writing which was a joy to read: evocative, atmospheric and at times melancholic without being gloomy. Overall a pleasure to read if suffering from a rather inconclusive ending.
So what does the week end bring? Hopefully a log fire, packet of choclate hobnobs and the start of my new book: A S Byatt’s ‘The Children’s Story.’ Can’t wait!
Trolley Folly
When the cat’s away, the mice will play…
While D slept I took command of the ultimate vehicle of preference: the hostess trolley. At last, final control of culinary operations was in my hands. As the wheels squeeked across the carpet, the top tray creaked and the plates rattled I looked up to where D slept soundly and uttered the immortal words: ‘Denise – I’ve got your trolley.’ The final conquest. Never before had I had the priviledge to load and push said HT but finally I had my day – dolly with a trolley.
This morning Denise is much recovered and so my trolley days are numbered. But D is better and that is the most important thing. Much as I enjoyed my ‘boys’ Christmas ( eat – TV – eat – TV etc ) I badly missed my wing-woman. Welcome back D!
Basting a big breasted bird
Poor Denise. Struck down by a really nasty gastric bug she has been confined to bed. We all hope she gets better really soon. If possible D, just before I have to carve that massive turkey coz that bird looks scary. Yes, in the absence of the head chef due to illness I am unexpectedly cooking the Christmas dinner in Wales. Now I’d consider myself a relatively competent cook but if there is one meal which fills me with terror it’s a roast. I just panic at the thought of getting all the ‘accessories’ ready on time eg stuffing, sausages in bacon, gravy, vegetables etc. But this morning there is no excuse. I must pull myself together, get a grip and pour a large sherry and ‘give it a go’ as they say in this neck of the woods. So far I have puzzled over a smoking oven, made three calls to Cookery Command Centre in Cosham and pondered over how best to baste this terrifying bird. But all is well. Ian and Adrian are happily watching a programme about snaring salmon, Denise is safe in her bed and I am in the kitchen with a bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream. Good luck everyone – if you’ve seen the scene in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with the disastrous Christmas dinner, you may well be seeing it again.
Christmas 2009
Well, I’ve had my rant at middle-aged male shoppers who stop when they get off escalators, people who fumble for discount coupons at the till and those who buy a cup of coffee and a bun in the John Lewis cafe and pay by debit card. So, you must be thinking, where is my festive spirit? Well, ensconced in Wales at my parents-in-law in a cosy room with a glass of bitter lemon I have had time to ponder. What does Christmas mean to me ? I’m not a Church-goer and am guilty of participating in 100% pagan traditions such as putting up a tree, hanging mistletoe ( though why I bothered I’ve no idea – no takers as yet ) and sending cards and presents. I decided that it means spending time with those you love, forgetting your hormonal spite and generally demonstrating a non-judgemental, philanthropic being. Which brings me on to my main complaint about Christmas 2009. Is it the commercialism that has got my goat? The unforgivable gluttony and spirit of excess and greed? The sight of ‘youngsters’ getting hammered outside Weatherspoons ? Why no. My gripe this year is with Marks and Spencer for removing the wonderful clip of Gene Hunt with a pint from their Christmas advert following eight complaints from a bunch of bitter bearded ladies. His re-filmed clip was still very pleasant to watch but lacked the macho spark that is Gene. Come on people get real – how sterile are we going to make our politically correct world ? Concentrate on real discriminatory issues and let us red-blooded sorts enjoy a bit of Gene. It’s harmless sexist fun. Carry on Gene – we love you!
Thursday December 24th – Christmas Eve 2009
A year on and I see my post for Christmas Eve last year was short and simple. A statement marking the beginning of my 12 month career break from Company X. So, I feel today, 12 months later, I should mark Christmas Eve with a similar statement – the end of my career break with my return to Company X set for 4th Janurary 2010.
Retail law and order
There’s a way to shop and a way not to shop. Most of us committed and professional shoppers understand and comply with the unspoken rules associated with attending and utilising shopping areas. Yet there are some who don’t. Some who blatantly flout the rules of retail engagement. Some who ruin the experience of others through their thoughtless, inexperienced and amateurish behaviour. And who are these parasites on society you ask ? Well, I am now able to confirm that following trips to West Quay shopping mall, I am now able to categorise these individuals: Men over the age of fifty.Yes! In just a couple of trips these repeat offenders caused tempers to flare, eyes to roll and blood pressure to rise. Listed below are the most commonly observed offences:
1. Getting off an escalator, stopping, and looking around in a lost-type manner
Result: A pile-up of shoppers who ram into the back of said gentleman or have to scuttle to avoid him
2. Standing aimlessly in front of the womens’ clothes rack which you need to get to
Result: Delaying your ability to reach the top you want and creating an unwelcome ‘mature male’ presence in what should be a ‘woman only’ environment
3. Chatting in shopping aisles with other men in sage-green anoraks and beige slip-ons
Result: Generally blocking your path and causing a disruption
4. Trailing around after wives looking depressed, and more importantly, not looking where they are going
Result: Bumping into other shoppers with just a ’sorry love’ as an excuse – you’re not sorry so don’t say it
5. Walking against the natural flow of shopper traffic
Result: Congestion, hampering those walking in the right direction who now need to dodge said gentleman
6. Suddenly stopping while walking or changing direction
Result: Disrupts flow of shopping and train of thought of those engaged in deep retail contemplation
I say – ban these offenders from our shopping community. Rules are there to be obeyed. And don’t complain when a restraining order is placed on you – if you can’t do the time – don’t do the crime.
Downtown old Las vegas
Spent a fascinating morning at the Las Vegas Neon Museum, situated downtown near Freemont Street. The ‘museum’ is actually outdoors and consists of two large lots packed full with old neon signs rescued or purchased by the museum. There was no wandering around by yourself, we had to book a ‘guide’ who helped us through the maze of rusty metal, shattered bulbs and old neon tubes. But, despite our loathing for any sort of ‘guided tour’, the volunteer who took us was amazing. She had worked in one of the casinos back when they were run by ‘the mob’ rather than the present day corporations. She had so much to share on the different signs in terms of how they were made, information about each establishment and the project to preserve the old ‘neon’ Vegas. Early that evening we returned to the downtown area where many of the old signs from the fifties and sixties have been preserved and were lit up. This was the Vegas I’d been longing to see rather than the plastic fantastic strip. There was a sense of seediness to Freemont Street and the surrounding area but also one of pure vintage bling. And returning on the bus, we passed lots of wedding chapel signs illuminated for business and were lucky enough to see a wedding party outside one of them.
And out last evening in Vegas? Well Dragon and Kitty went out with a bang! Loss after loss on the tables and the pokeys saw the pikey pair creeping back to their room at 1.30am determined never to gamble again. The humiliation for Dragon of bringing out a handful of change at the roulette table, searching for a half dollar, while the man beside him happily toyed with a $200 bet was just a chip too far for the glamorous pair.
OK – strip her down…
Yes dear readers, these imfamous words were uttered as we re-entered our Wynn Resort bedroom after a tiring day out in Vegas. Room service had replaced all of the giant sized complimentary spa toiletries again and it was time to fill our cases and get out the Sainsburys own-brand shower gel and Fructis shampoo. Due to the size of the bottles there was no way we’d get through them each day and at their room rates there was no way I was surrending these little beauties back to housekeeping. It is quality and will be better appreciated at home. Trouble is the bottles are on the large size and we have 4 nights here…
Well, in very un-Vegas style, we walked out and visited the Atomic Testing Museum which told the story of the history of atomic science and testing in the Nevada Desert from Oppenheimer to the present day. It was a fascinating museum. I couldn’t believe people came to Vegas in the fifties to stay in a hotel and then go out and watch a test explosion from the ’safety’ of their motel with just a pair of dark glasses for protection. I also couldn’t believe that I could happily spend three hours in a science-based museum but it was excellent. Lots of interviews with families and engineers who were involved at the time. And it was brought to life with vintage TV footage from each era as you walked around. We rounded off our visit with a walk across the road to Mr Beijing to partake of their $5.99 set lunch. And fantastic it was too – much preferred it to the Bellagio’s Eat All You Can Buffet. And miles cheaper too.
Today we are going downtown to see the Neon Museum; a scrap-yard and museum dediated to housing the old giant neon signs of Vegas from the 1930s onwards. Plan is then to explore the downtown area and possibly drop by a wedding chapel. Ive spotted the ‘Gracelands Wedding Chapel.’ Mr P is less than interested.
But this isn’t the news people want. More imp0rtantly, what of Red Dragon and Kitty Glitter?
Well, a mild altercation on the strip was noted by onlookers when Kitty wanted to have her photo taken with an Elvis. At just $5 it seemed an incredible bargain to get a picture taken with the King himself despite the reality being a rather overweight man the wrong side of 45 with a fake-bake tan. Red Dragon was less keen however saying ‘$5 was a rip off.’
That night, however, his sour-puss approach to celebrity photography paid off. All of the tables had upped their minimum bet to $15 and with his budget, he wouldn’t get his chips on the baize before he’d have to leave. That left Kitty to get back on the Black Jack machines and the subsequent infliction of another crushing loss. A rather cruel tabloid headline was spotted this morning in the Vegas Star with a picture of Ms Glitter slouched at the aforementioned slot machine: ‘Pikey on the Pokeys‘. We understand Kitty has commenced legal proceedings.
Red Dragon and Kitty Glitter hit Vegas
Last night, that reknowned international gambler Mr. P ( aka ‘Red Dragon’ ) and his glamourous table assistant ‘Kitty Glitter’, his wife of eight years, were seen taking their chance with lady luck at the infamous Wynn casino complex. Wearing a maroon wool-mix V-neck sweater which sources reveal had not been changed for quite some time, Dragon looked relaxed and nonchalent as he cashed in a staggering $40 in exchange for roulette chips. Kitty Glitter, always at his side, was seen to whisper guidance in his ear to aid his betting strategy. And lady luck certainly seemed to be holding Dragon’s hand. A huge scoop of nearly $5 left onlookers gasping as Dragon started out on a roller coaster evening of highs and lows. Kitty, sublime in a H&M £7.99 top, teamed with jeans and a pair of black Clarks pumps which we understand had been passed to her by Mrs.Q, seemed agitated and on edge. It was later revealed that she had suffered an enourmous loss of more than $7 on the Black Jack pokeys and hadn’t yet come to terms with her financial situation. At this point in the evening Dragon was seen to order one of the free beers from the hostess roaming the tables. Unfortunately, lady luck seemed to have let go of Dragon’s hand and a series of crippling losses meant that in a short space of time, circa 15 minutes, he had surrendered all of his chips to the house. Regretably, within this short period of time, the hostess had not had time to return with his drink. Dragon was heard to mutter to Kitty ‘ do you think we can just hang around the table until she shows again with my beer or would that be really scummy?’ Clearly a decision was made to move on as the couple were spotted making their way to the 1cent and 5cent slot machines where, after losing a further $2, Kitty was heard to exclaim ‘ these things are fixed. Lets go back to the room and have one of those diet cokes we bought from the supermarket and some of those salted cashews.’
We can but wait to see what tonight brings the hapless couple…
